My Roommates Favorite Story

Since I LOVE telling stories so much I decided to as the one person I spend probably the most time with what is her favorite story to tell. My roommate is my best friend and we

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know waaaayyyyyy too much about each other, but it’s actually great.

 
So I have personally heard this story I’m about to share directly from the people who are involved but I like my roommates telling of it so much better.

Me: So what is your favorite story to tell?

Roommate: The story about my parents and the pictures.

Me: okay so tell me.

Roommate: “Okay, ummmmm, let’s see, while my parents were dating they had a very tremulous relationship. They would break up for a while and get back together and break up for a while and get back together and it was super annoying. And during one of the break-up periods my dad supposedly dated this woman. My mom knew about it this because she was friends with his brothers and they were like all rooting for them.

My mother could never prove that he was with someone else because he would deny it every time and his family didn’t know so she didn’t have any answers their, but she was like 99% sure. So when they get married, move in together and my mother is pregnant with me and she finds, she’s like cleaning our brand-new house and she finds this box of pictures, like a shoebox of pictures from my dad. And in this shoebox are various pictures of him and my mom, and him and his family but then she finds at least a dozen pictures of him and this woman that my mother knew he dated.

Let’s say her name is……Caligula…that’s a boy’s name…. Connie! She’s not important anymore, but the point is my mom sees there photos and is like “I fucking got him! These are pictures of him with Connie like he’s kissing her cheek and shit like that, these are couples photos!” So what she did was she put them around the mirror of the front entryway so as soon as my dad walked in after work he would see the pictures and my mom would stop him in his tracks. It’s like an “I told you so moment” like “I knew it the whole time, you can’t deny it fuck you, love you, bitch” something like that I don’t know.

So my mom puts them around the mirror and then she has to pee or something because she is pregnant with me and she’s like a…..melon…basically. She hears my dad come in and she’s pregnant so she like waddles downs the stairs but not fast enough because when she gets there my dad is chewing.

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My mother is like “Where are the pictures?” and he swallows and goes “What pictures?” He ate them. HE ATE THEM, HE ATE THE PICTURES, he ate the fucking pictures.

And my mother was like “you fucking ate them” and he denied it for years until finally this summer we wore him down and he laughed about it and he was like “yeah…..”

And more recently, at Thanksgiving my dad said, “When I walked in I was like oh god she’s got me, I’m losing! And the only thought I had was “well, you could eat them” and then I did, yeah I got really sick after that.” He ate them, it’s nuts. It’s the funniest story that I know yadda yadda yadda.”