My Beef with Turkeys

I’ve got a bone to pick with those feathered dinosaurs. That’s right, I don’t like turkeys.

Let me preface this, I am an animal lover. I love and appreciate every animal I learn about (even spiders), but not turkeys. Turkeys are punks. They have weird necks and I don’t understand the purpose of the sound they make. But these are not the only reasons, I’m not that petty. What started my dislike of turkeys was the encounters I had in my neighborhood growing up.

My neighborhood had a small patch of woods and in those woods lived a mafia of turkeys.

It didn’t start that way. At first, it was one or two turkeys at the edge of the wooded area and they would run away as soon as they spotted you. A few months later these turkeys started to get more adventurous and grew in group size. I’d see 3 or 4 of them on a few of my neighbor’s lawns during the day when no one was around. Then the flock came.

Suddenly it was 5 or 6 turkeys with one big guy. The ring leader.

This pack would prowl the neighborhood all the time. I didn’t really mind this much, except I couldn’t shake this suspicion I had of these turkeys. I just felt like they were up to no good.

It was as if they knew I felt this way. I had begun to catch them on the lawn across the street from my house just hanging out. Just standing around! I barely saw these turkeys doing much else. Soon after, the turkeys would gather across the street from me while I was waiting for the school bus. But wait, it gets better, when I would get on the bus the turkeys would start following my bus until it was too far ahead! I know this all sounds crazy but I swear it happened.

After a few weeks of these turkeys “intimidating” me at the bus stop, I decided I just did not like turkeys and they do not like me. I thought to myself “when am I going to have to deal with turkeys other than this?” that was a dumb thought. You don’t really think about how many times you in encounter turkeys in your life until you don’t like them. It’s like when you say to someone “I never see red cars” and after that, all you see are red cars.

It’s some cosmic joke, one where I would prefer to being seeing red cars all the time instead of finding myself involved with turkeys. And I’m not just talking driving past turkeys when they’re in a field or something, I’m talking enjoying a nice run and being ambushed by a brown ball of feathers with a weird neck,  or trying to clean a turkey enclosure and the turkey keeps standing on your dust pan.

As time went on I’ve encountered turkeys less and less (*knock on wood*). I still don’t know why that feathered gang rampaged my neighborhood, I think one of my neighbors may have been feeding the turkeys like in this town in Massachusetts. So on this Thanksgiving day take moment and reflect on this strange, strange bird you might be eating.